The Quest for Coffee

One Man's Never Ending Quest for a Cup of Joe in Taiwan 

I love coffee. I mean I really love coffee. There are many people who say they love it but in reality they love coffee flavored sugar milk. I like my coffee straight black, hold the cream, hold the sugar, hold the fat free slim milk lactose tolerant, free wheelin' new fangled dairy creamer, I'll take it like nature intended, black. Only then can you appreciate the boldness, the 100% Columbian, Arabica beans vs. Robusta. When you drink it hot and black you experience the darkness of the roast. You can tell if it was too strong or too weak. You can perfect your brew, add a little more grounds, maybe make them more coarse, or more fine, or let the coffee cool a bit to bring out a whole new taste to your favorite blend. Whatever you do, don't add anything to it! 

So I recently moved to Taiwan. This isn't exactly a coffee lovers paradise. A missionary once told me he didn't think he was materialistic until he left the United States. I thought the same thing and I was foolish enough to think I was going to "out unmateralistic" the missionary. Turns out, I like things. Things make me comfortable, and yes sometimes things make me happy. I like getting things, having things, giving things, seeing things. I like things. I need to appreciate having fewer things but at the moment I'm on a quest to get a thing, a decent cup of coffee. 

I was given a bag of ground coffee my third week here. I wasn't told where to get it, or what it contained, it was "here is a bag of coffee, I hope it doesn't suck. If you want another one, good luck." One of best places to get a cup of coffee in Taiwan is a chain store called "Mr. Brown". Great coffee. Turns out, there isn't a Mr. Brown's anywhere near where I live. Starbucks? Sure, there are several. I hate Starbucks. They can't roast beans worth a hill a beans, er something like that. They have great frapacinos, latte,s cappucinos and pastery items, or seasonal drinks. But a good black cup of joe? Oh no. 

I ventured out this morning to do two things. Visit a breakfast shop I had seen the day before but was closed, and to finally complete my coffee quest. The breakfast shop was completely in Chinese which usually means no one inside speaks English, causing me to spend 5 minutes trying to order something that I didn't want, spend money on some exotic pig part no one outside this country ever dared to eat and still be hungry. Next please. 

Ok, no food yet. But there is nothing I know of near me that offers breakfast. Its raining, not a slight drizzle, its pouring. Cats and dogs. Gotta get some coffee, must press on. I walk two blocks, crossing against the light on perhaps the busiest street in my town of 500k. I'm desperate man. I see not one, not two but no less than 4 cafe's on one street. Jackpot! I walk in to the first one. Niiiiice. Swanky, trendy, a lot of people there, I've actually heard many foreigners come here. Menu is even in English! Great sign. Ok ok ok,,,,Americano, no no no. Latte, not today. Cappuccino, no thank yo. blackcoffee blackcoffee blackcoffee..... "Excuse me do you have just black coffee?"  "....um, no." (wow really? what kind of cafe doesn't offer black coffee?) "Thankyoubyebyethen." 

Ok lets not panic, there are three other cafes on this block alone. Outside, oh wait, one of those is a Starbucks...down to two... Next one, its blue inside, not an earthy tone blue but a bright blue. Not a good sign but hey they have an English menu and the lady in charge is very friendly! Ok look, three options for black coffee...Africa, Asia, South America. Lets try South America, Columbian coffee is the best there is. Here though they trade with Cuba, so I'm guessing this blend includes some Cuban coffee beans. How neat. 

wait..wait...waiting....the nice lady gives me a sample of coffee flavored sugar milk....yummy...my eyes and mouth smile but my tongue, locked away in its inescapable dark dungeon writhes in agony. (make it stop!) its done. waiting...waiting...oh a sample of cheesecake, I take it, she's nice and its rude to refuse someone's offer of free stuff right? I see them making my coffee...its a pour over...its always a pour over... I'm finicky, I don't like pour overs. I knew my money was lost, and my quest would continue. I drank the pour over coffee as I perused SOGO. It was sub par. Both the coffee and and my shopping experience.

As I left the department store I saw an 85c chain cafe across the street. Sure thing! Lets go, I see these everywhere, they have to have good coffee right??? Menu in English,,,check. americaolattecappuccinoicethisicethatsugarheremilkthere....no black coffee.............I love things. I want things. I need this thing. I just want a good cup of coffee...why is it so hard to find? 

Next up, the quest for bacon!